REVIEW: The First X-Men #4
Written By: Neal Adams & Christos Gage
Art By: Neal Adams
Price: $3.99
Wolverine and Sabretooth’s X-Men are under attack! See the beginning of the Sentinel program!
If every Marvel series on sale right now were high schoolers, First X-Men would be that kid that no one really pays attention to until one day, out of the blue, they just snap and do something crazy like take off all their clothes and run down the hallways screaming bloody murder.
This issue is the equivalent of that.
We’re clued into Virus’ backstory. Mutated baby kept in attic ends up killing their parents, I think we’ve heard this story before. He “drives” his father right into a government facility and is immediately welcomed with open arms, because the military really is so desperate that they’re taking in extremely deformed, dangerous mutants off the street.
Meanwhile, back at Wolverine’s Love Shack…
Meteor and Forrest Gump (Apparently Adams had run out of ideas, turned on TBS and just started writing stuff) are having a spat. Yeti intervenes because well, you mess with one eight-foot musclebound mutant, you mess with them all.
Wolverine buys Bomb a jacket (Get it? Bomb? Jacket? Bomber Jacket?), but he freaks out and torches it. Maybe he has a leather allergy. Or maybe leather jackets just aren’t in style anymore. I don’t know what year this book takes place in. I’m not sure anyone does, actually.
Shadowshift and Scout (whose names we know only because they’re listed in the recap) don’t have any dialogue this issue. They didn’t last issue either. They’re basically just taking up panel space at this point. Shadowshift actually has the most intriguing powerset of the bunch, but he’s not given any time to shine. And I think Scout’s gimmick is that he’s made of leaves. I wish I was kidding.
The Sentinels attack. Yeti throws Wolverine at one. Cannonball Special, anyone? I thought what Wolverine and Colossus shared was special. IS NOTHING SACRED, ADAMS?
Virus shows up and takes control of the most important characters of the team. Cliffhanger. How will Bomb, Leafboy, and the hotheaded Meteor (get it?) get out of this one, folks?!
As for the art, well…
NO ONE RUNS LIKE THIS.
Wolverine is so overly muscled he looks like a steroid-using meth-head in almost every panel. His shirt disappears then reappears between panels too.
The only good thing about this book is that it’s ending with the next issue.
Score: 5.0
(And that’s being very generous.)
